Home's Cool

Would you be a strict parent?

2010-10-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

Dennis wants to do more creative writing (again) but while the stories flow freely, the process does not. He bought a creative writing handbook that is geared towards middle and high school students and the first advice was to, of course, write something every day. So he started journaling (again) and asked me to pick a topic for him. I grabbed my trusty writing prompts book and picked "If you were a parent, would you be strict or not? Why or why not?" His journal entry:

I would probably be a little strict like house rules but also be flexible like staying at a friend's house an hour more but I would kind of match the kid's personality. I would probably do this because I was raised that way. If I was raised just strict or just flexible I would probably raise my kids like that. If I was raised strict I would still be nice to them because I want them to come to my house when I'm 50.

Ignoring the kind of probably sort of non-committal tone, I think this is pretty darn awesome. First, and most importantly, he perceives the way he is being raised pretty much the way I would parent if I were a perfect parent so score on completely fooling him on that one. Second, he recognizes that we often do things because it's what we know. Lastly, he recognizes that even if he does what he was raised to do, he needs to adapt it for his desired result. In this case, it's so the children will still visit when he's old and alone. And that will apparently occur at the age of 50.

In between tormenting his siblings and watching Robotech, he must engage in some pretty deep thinking.

For future reading

2010-03-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

This is the blog post that I will read again and again and again on the days my kids are on each other's last nerve and I wonder if they even like each other a little.

#1. Eli had saved up $8 and was budgeting it to get as much of the things he wants from that $8. At our homeschool classes today, he bought FIVE packages of those awful little donuts from the vending machine. I was cringing at that much junk food but it's his money and we don't have that stuff in the house so a few deep breaths later, I was letting go. Xander came up to ask for one and Eli said yes. As Xander reached for one of the donuts from the open package, Eli said, "no. One of the whole packs is for you." He bought one pack for him, one for each of his siblings and one for Lars and I to share.

I didn't even feel relieved he wasn't eating all that junk food because I was too busy smiling that he actively thought about everyone else in the family when spending his money.

#2. Dennis has wanted a laptop or a netbook for a while. I wasn't entirely sure I was ok with Dennis having a computer to himself while the other 3 had to share one so we've talked about just buying a laptop for the "family" so that the kids all have an extra computer to share. Today Dennis mentioned wanting one again and I said that if we went that direction, we would chip in the money for his birthday gift towards the laptop but he'd have to work to earn the rest of the money. Then he said, "if we did that, would we get a family laptop or would that use up that money?" I told him that it would use the money and we'd only be buying one computer -- whether it was just for him or if it was for everyone to share was the only debate. He said, "then forget it. I'd rather have one that we all share than one to myself." I asked why and he looked at me and said, "I do care about my brothers and sister. It wouldn't be fair to just get my own."

Of course, that only made me want to run out and buy him 3 computers but I accepted his gesture of kindness and we'll be getting a family laptop instead.

So, my dear friends, please remind me about this the next time I'm dealing with the sibling drama. "The next time" referring to tomorrow, of course.

Xander stories

2010-03-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

Xander is always good for a funny story. He has been on fire this week. You have to just keep in mind how very literal he is for the first 2 stories.

Story #1

At the park the other day, Xander asked me how toxic waste was made. I told him (poisonous byproducts of manufacturing was the general answer). Then he asked if nuclear power plants make toxic waste. I said yes. Then he asked what a nuclear power plant looked like. I wasn't quite sure what he was going for... big building? smokestacks? neon green lakes nearby? Turned out he thought a nuclear power plant grew like a, well, plant. I had to explain that a plant can mean factory as well. He was clearly disappointed.

Story #2

While talking about dental hygiene, I explained that it was important to take good care of your teeth because "you need them for life." Xander's response? "No. You need your heart for life." Yes, son, I misspoke. You need your teeth for the rest of your life. You will not die if you lose your teeth. I apologize profusely for engaging in colloquial speech. I really should just say things properly to avoid future confusion.

Story #3

Last night, Xander and I were cuddling in bed and I was telling him a story about Pokemon. The way we tell stories is that I start them and he fills in all the appropriate details. So I asked him to name his two favorite Pokemon -- he picked Meowf and Piplup (no idea if I am spelling those correctly but I have too much pride to look them up). So the story begins, "Once upon a time, Meowf and Piplup were playing in the forest..." when Xander bursts out laughing. He told me "mom, that doesn't make ANY SENSE! What is a Piplup doing in the forest?!?"

Not only do I struggle with the English language, I don't know things as basic as the habitat of Piplups. Why it is legal for people with my educational deficits to homeschool is beyond me. But I'm glad it is so I have plenty of chances to have Xander educate me.

Johnny Weir's "bad example"

2010-02-28T11:12:00.000-08:00

This article really got my attention

Johnny Weir Lashes Back

This is the quote that stood out. It's by broadcaster Alain Goldberg out of Canada:

"They'll think all the boys who skate will end up like him," he said. "It sets a bad example."

Excuse me, Mr. Goldberg, but what is the bad example? That he's effeminate? That he wears flamboyant costumes? That he doesn't fit in your stereotype of a person with a Y chromosome?

Because, sir, that's not what I see. The example Johnny Weir sets for my boys is one of a man who is confident in who he is, is willing to stand up for himself against personal attacks and became a superior athlete his own way. If I could guarantee my boys would gain those characteristics through figure skating, I would sign them up today.

That, Mr. Goldman, is the message Johnny Weir sends. I hope people see the example you are setting and think twice before watching your station's coverage.

My sandwich bread recipe

2010-02-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

This really is the best ever sandwich bread recipe and it is whole wheat. The base recipe comes from my friend, Mel, though I had to tweak it a bit to get enough dough for my pan. I use a 9 in pullman pan and it makes perfect 4x4 slices. The lid allows it to brown evenly and keep the crust soft just like the sandwich bread you get at the store.

I plan on, one day, doing a picture blog with my recipes but for now you get just the text. Without further ado, the recipe:

2 C warm water (110ish degrees)
1 T honey
2 1/4 tsp dry yeast

Mix the above together in a small bowl. This is called proofing your yeast. It'll foam up. If it doesn't, toss it because either the yeast is bad or the water was too hot/too cold.

In a separate bowl (I use my kitchenaid) toss in:

1.5 T oil (I use olive or coconut depending on which I feel like grabbing)
2 T honey (you can use sugar, agave, or maple syrup)
1.5 t salt (I use kosher or sea salt. If I was using table salt, I'd only use 1t.)
4 C whole wheat flour (I use white whole wheat from a local farmer but King Arthur sells white whole wheat in the grocery store)
1/2 C vital wheat gluten
A handful or two of whole flax seed

Then I add the frothy yeast mixture, turn on the kitchenaid with the dough hook and let it knead for 10 minutes. I stick nearby at first with my handy rubber spatula to make sure all the flour gets mixed in. An alternate to this would be to add the flour slowly but I prefer just dumping everything in.

You can substitute some of the whole wheat flour with other flours... rye, spelt, oat, ground flax seed.

Let rise in a warm place covered with a dish rag until it doubles (about an hour). Punch down, shape and put in the bread pan. If you use a pullman pan with a lid, do not put the lid on while the bread rises. When the dough rises to be level with the top of the pan, slide on the lid and bake at 350 for 35 minutes. Remove the lid immediately and cool on a wire rack.

You're welcome.

Report cards and standardized testing

2010-02-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

I have been decluttering and I found the box of papers from childhood that my parents saved and then dumped on me when I moved out. It's full of certificates (did you know that I was a "Champion for Jesus" at VBS?) and schooly stuff. It's hilarious and I think I'm going to host a homeschool chat night devoted to bringing in our childhood report cards.

In kindergarten, I only received an S (stands for satisfactory and is the middle grade) in "I obey quickly." I am sorry to report that in the last 25 years, I have really not progressed in this area. In fact, I suspect Mrs. Rahgo would give me an "N" if she were to grade me now (N standing for "needs more time to develop." Oh, honey, there isn't enough time in the world for that to develop). On the plus side, I was never absent or tardy. It's a skill that has served me well as I always show up when and where I say I'm going to and always on time. Ok, you can stop laughing now.

Did you know that according to the Iowa Test of Basic Skills, I was in the top 99% of all 3rd graders on my ability to properly capitalize. i Really think that Skill has coMe in handY and where would I BE today Had my parents neVer known this INFOrmation?

The worst of the information is that my own uncle only gave me an S every marking period he was my PE teacher. Though, truth be told, he probably gave me an S because he was my uncle. Really, failing your niece in PE might make for awkward Christmas dinner conversation.

I also apparently didn't know my multiplication table in the 3rd grade and that was troubling to my dear sweet teacher. If only I had known them back then, I may have been able to take honors calculus in my junior year of high school rather than having to wait until senior year. Ah, what could have been.

One really odd thing is that I have really good report cards up to 6th grade with lovely remarks about my sparkling personality and the same report cards after 6th grade (minus my uncle's PE class) but in 6th grade, I was apparently the devil's spawn. I received nearly all C's and was "performing well below potential due to significant absences." One comment even had a sarcastic remark in it. Hmmmmmm... maybe it was me. I mean, everyone has an off year. Or maybe it was my psychotic teacher who would go around the room and tell each and every student what their "problem" was. I remember when she called one girl a "prima donna" and we all thought she said "pre-Madonna" and assumed she was calling the girl a slut. She really should have spent more time working on vocabulary and less on taking out her clear mental problems on her captive audience. Maybe I would have gone to school more. She also used to spend hours drawing elaborate pictures with colored chalk up on the boards. We would do book work silently while she would draw for long periods. Chick was crazy.

Thank you for joining me on this stroll down memory lane. And almost everyone knows my feelings on our grading system AND that I would like to see short answer/multiple choice standardized tests replaced with performance tests AND that research does not support the idea that homework leads to higher performance so I won't go on and on about that. Right now, I'm ready to seal the box and simply mark it as "reasons why John Taylor Gatto is right."

Dennis is finding his voice

2009-11-26T11:19:00.000-08:00

Dennis wants to do more creative writing but has trouble starting or figuring out what to write about. So, last week, I wrote down a sentence as a starter and he continued it. I told him not to worry so much about paragraphs and grammar at this point. Just get the thoughts down and I'll help him edit later. A very slightly cleaned up version of what he has so far:

On Monday morning, Jack woke up and realized his house was on fire. All of his things, his card collection, his baseball trophies, he rushed to his closet but it was too late. All of his stuff was on fire. He rushed to the door but burned his hand when he touched the door knob. "Man, I should have taken that fire safety class in school," said Jack. But he knew it was too late for that. Then he went to his window and saw his family. Then about 50 ft away from them a man in black.

I'm glad he and I have found a way that he can do something he likes -- creative writing -- even though getting started is something he struggles with.

Christ-centered Christmas

2009-11-24T08:45:00.000-08:00

My religious status is "unknown" at best but I do like to celebrate religious holidays to their true intent even if I celebrate the message rather than the event. It means we observe a few non-traditional (to this American) holidays that I like the meaning of like Bodhi Day. But we also celebrate most, if not all, traditional holidays. St. Patrick's Day is a day where we make green cookies, talk about our immigrant Irish but also hear the story of St. Padraig.

Christmas is no different. We've started, thanks to my friend Clare, a Christ-centered Christmas giving tradition. We buy the kids 4 gifts from us:

Gold -- the thing they really want

Frankincense -- something that smells good. Perfumes, bath soaps, toiletries. This year I got the younger 3 each a bottle of character bubble bath and either soap crayons or the little things that dye the water colors. I bought Dennis stuff to have a small toiletry kit that he can take on sleepovers now that he's getting a bit too old (and smelly) for his Nintendo DS and a pillow to be his only sleepover supplies.

Myrrh -- Myrrh was used to prepare Jesus' body for burial. It was something that he would need in his life. So for "myrhh" we give the children something that will be useful and will be used for an extended period of time versus a video game they'll finish in a month or a science kit they'll finish and discard. This year, it translates to something fairly educational that they'll use again and again. When they get older, we'll start buying things like dishes, pots and pans, tableware, linens and that sort of thing. But for now, it's more like recipe books (Dennis wants to try his hand at candy making), small planetarium projectors, microscopes, etc.

Swaddling clothes -- pjs! Nothing looks better in those Christmas morning pictures than 4 bright eyed kids in brand new pajamas. See the below picture for evidence of this. Doesn't Eli look awesome in those new pjs?

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

We give all the gifts on Christmas Eve explaining what they're all for. Then on Christmas morning, "Santa" brings a small stocking, another "want" type gift and a new board game. Then we have all Christmas day to play our fun new games and enjoy our time together.

I wanted to share this idea because I know a lot of my friends and family are Christians and want to celebrate in a more religious manner and some are, like me, unanchored to a religion but are still celebrating in the amazing message of hope and redemption.

Planning

2009-10-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

This topic keeps coming up in conversations with other parents and homeschoolers -- finding the time to plan and try out all these great recipe and craft ideas that we read about. Some people apparently not only find time to plan and try out all these ideas but they photograph them and find time to blog about them as well and we can all bask in our unworthiness.

These blogs inspire me... inspire me to appreciate different personalities. Instead of saying "wow, I've got to get on the ball and then I too can be awesome," I've simply accepted I'm just not that person. Just as I can admire (and alternately think are criminally insane) people who jog 5 miles every day come rain or sleet or snow, I'm not that person. And just as I admire people who make planning and organizing crafts, recipes and activities for their children a priority, I'm not that person.

But just as I'm not that person, I'm also the person who is game for almost anything and can make due with whatever we have. Instead of a day full of preplanned soup making, reading about snowflakes and craft making, the kids will talk about snowflakes so we'll pull out whatever paper we have to cut out snowflakes to decorate the house with and then we'll spend an hour looking at images of kirigami online. And then I'll need a nap so I'm sure Netflix has some documentary on winter or penguins or other somewhat cold-related topics they can watch while I doze on the couch.

And when you have nothing planned, you can be sure that your ideas for your child become second to your child's original ideas. Even the most interesting science experiment never brings my kids joy like when they decide to see for themselves what happens when you mix shampoo and conditioner together. No masterpiece is more valuable than the collage they decided to make out of the grocery store ads.

So, be who you are. If that's someone who organizes workboxes for your homeschooling kids, go for it. If you are someone who has 20 craft projects ready to go at any moment, go for it. And if you are someone who flies by the seat of their pants and then takes a nap, give me a call. I think we can be friends.

Wise Words

2009-10-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

I need to write down my friend Kenna's explanation of the nature of parenthood before I forget. She shared this with me last night.

Parenting means you give and you give and you give and you give. And when you have given all you can give, your kid walks up to you and says, "Can I have that?" and you think to yourself wow, I didn't even know I had that. I really could have used it. And then you turn to your child and say, "here you go."

Outcome Based Parenting

2009-10-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

To some extent we all parent with the outcome in mind. We'd be all Lord of the Flies about parenting if we weren't. We want our kids to be free thinkers, strong, independent, happy, smart about money, responsible, kind, empathetic, and on and on and on. In other words, we want them to be everything and in perfect quantities of it all.

Most parents realize that that particular goal is ridiculous and we're setting ourselves and our children up for many issues if we keep holding to that ideal. But still, there is a part of many of us and a huge part of some of us who want to, for better or worse, tie our parenting prowess and skill in to how our children behave and what they become.

A big issue with this is that you people just don't know what you're doing! To raise money smart kids, you should give them an allowance to manage. No, wait. You should make them earn that money through chores. Wait, chores are part of being a family so you should only have them earn it through extra chores and not regular ones. Wait, no, there are kids as young as 5 picking cocoa beans somewhere out there so if Junior wants a new pack of Pokemon cards, he better get to work.

See what I mean? So many ways to get to the same outcome and yet we stress and debate and weigh our options as though one of those ways is the best (one clue, it isn't the last option I presented). Demand respect and your children will respect you. Wait, no, respect your children and they will respect you. Make them say I'm sorry so they'll learn humility. No, wait, model apologies and they'll learn sincerity. Wait, have them beat the crap out of each other and let the conch sort it out. Oops, sorry. Lord of the Flies moment.

Besides there not being one agreed upon and proven method to get from point A to point B, there are a few dangers of letting outcome based parenting take over. The major one is that it takes your child clear out of the equation. If you are respectful, gentle and kind, then your child will always behave respectfully, gently and kindly. Period. End of story. The child and the child's strengths, weaknesses, personality and own life experiences are meaningless for you ARE the perfect parent. That's pretty much the opposite of the outcome we want, isn't it? To render our children meaningless in our quest for perfection in our parenting would be missing the mark <--- understatement of the year.

Another danger is that we then take the "outcome" and turn it to judge the parenting. You know, I've been trying to find a way to say this but your child wouldn't hit if you were stricter/less demanding/gentler/more-like-me. You know who you are. Ok, you caught me. I was totally talking to myself on that one. Children who are energetic and not always aware of their surroundings are obviously parented incorrectly. They are wild, out of control, rude, pushy. Children who are calm and gentle and compliant are parented well. No matter what the parenting philosophy -- authoritarian or laissez-faire or somewhere in between -- these judgments are the same. The only difference is what "you" are doing wrong to cause the issue in the eyes of the outcome based parent watching you.

Another danger is that we take the "outcome" and turn it to judge ourselves. We usually call it "mommy guilt." I did it when Xander first presented his delays. I clearly didn't talk to him enough, engage him enough, read to him enough, etc. At the time I didn't know it but I was presuming that I had some type of control over autism. I was assuming I had control over his brain. How about Dennis for a more universal parenting dilemma. He wouldn't ever talk back if I modeled proper communication better. Or he wouldn't talk back if he knew I was boss. Those are all judgments I could turn on myself when the fact is he wouldn't talk back if he wasn't 10. Dear heavens, give me the strength to make it through his teen years. Some days I just wish he'd start his period and get it over with. But I digress.

This isn't to say that when our children talk back we should say, "oh, well. He's just being himself." Or that when our child has delays that we shouldn't seek therapies. Or that when we screw up as a parent that we just chalk it up to our child's personality. There are learning moments and times for reflection and an opportunity to correct our course if things don't seem to be working. Those are all very important and where outcomes actually do help us.

But my real point (I swear I have one) is that when we see children fall short of our lofty ideals, we need to take a step back and see the whole picture. We need to be kinder in our evaluations of other parents. We need to be kinder to ourselves. We need to own what is ours to own and ignore the judgments of others and, yes, of ourselves. We need to just list all the ways our parents screwed up with us, realize that we still turned out pretty awesome and start enjoying parenting again.

The Well Beaten Path

2009-10-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

We like to travel. A lot. With 4 kids, it's generally too expensive to fly everywhere we want to go so we road trip. My husband and I missed our callings as long haul truckers. This year, we've traveled to Tulsa (we have family there), Omaha, New Orleans, St. Louis and Devil's Den State Park in Arkansas. I am committed to no more traveling for a few months because we need to save up for a big trip in February -- The Unschoolers Winter Waterpark Gathering so I can hear John Taylor Gatto speak and we can meet other autodidactic homeschoolers AND we can party at a waterpark for a week at awesome rates.

It's very popular to travel and even more popular to want to travel. And it is very trendy to look for out-of-the-way places and the "road less traveled." That's cool and all if that's your "thing" but, I've got to say, the road well traveled is pretty damn awesome.

We went to Denmark a year and a half ago. We went to Den Gamle By and Legoland Billund. When we went to DC, we walked the National Mall. In New Orleans, hold on to your hats, we ate lunch at Masperos, dessert at Cafe Du Monde and, if that wasn't enough, we also went to Jackson Square and saw the St. Louis Cathedral. In Omaha, we went to the zoo and in southern Connecticut we went to Silver Sands and the Peabody Museum of Natural History. And Chicago? Sears Tower. Upstate NY? Niagara. St Louis? The Arch. Memphis? Graceland.

On the horizon? Newport mansions, Statue of Liberty, Liberty Bell, Grand Canyon, Mt Rushmore, the Redwood Forests and every other tourist attraction you can find on this continent.

I like the well beaten path. It's well beaten for a reason. These things are worth seeing and experiencing. When Lars and I retire and decide to "travel" I suspect we will have seen enough of the well beaten path to be ready for some out-of-the way gems. We'll be watching PBS to find every kitschy artist along I-70. But for now, there are too many must-sees that we haven't seen yet.

Obama wha?

2009-10-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

Like most people, I was surprised and even confused by the Nobel Peace Prize going to Barack Obama. Then I exercised a few brain cells, googled Alfred Nobel and the Nobel Peace Prize and realized that my surprise and confusion was based on the simple fact that I had no real idea of the concept of the Nobel Peace Prize.

This isn't the People's Choice Awards. This award is decided by a committee based on Alfred Nobel's vision of what a peace award should focus on. What you or I think the award criteria should be means abso-freaking-lutely nothing. It is what it is and you have to judge it in that light.

Most of the criticism I have heard is that Obama hasn't actually accomplished anything. That's a fair point. I mean, Tibet is free and all. Wait, what? It isn't? Oh, well at least we have peace in the Middle East. And impoverished single women are now able to find respectable work easily in their patriarchal societies. And climate change, if not reversed, has surely slowed. Huh? What was that you said? NONE of that has been accomplished? Surely, you must be joking since people have won the Nobel Peace Prize for all of these things.

Turns out the Nobel Peace Prize isn't for accomplishments. Who knew? Well, other than people who know about the Nobel Peace Prize. It's for efforts towards peace. Things like, say, closing Guantanamo Bay, ending torture-as-interrogation, pushing for diplomacy before weapons, fighting the cycle of poverty through education and health care and appointing special advisers to come up with an exit plan from Iraq. Stuff like that.

And it isn't as though he nominated himself. He was nominated and then judged by the criteria of the Nobel Peace Prize committee -- meaning it isn't about what he has done but more what he is doing.

So c'mon, people. Quit going all Kanye West on Obama's moment.

I am my own worst critic

2009-09-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not my worst critic. Not by a mile. I actually think I do well with parenting and homeschooling. I may not do everything right and I may not have all the answers, but no one does so as long as I do the best I can with what I have, I'm doing just fine.

Honestly, I think my worst critics are other parents.

So, I have come to the conclusion that I have self-confidence with a twist of a persecution complex.

And that is my random thought of the day.

Must write down so I don't forget

2009-09-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

The kids love the story Tiki Tiki Tembo. Eli just told me he wants to listen to it before bed. Eden called out, "Yay! I yuv Titty Titty Bimbo!"

Indeed.

The finest edumacation is at home

2009-09-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Today we finished up reading Feather and Fur, What Makes Cats Purr. One of the kids randomly grabbed it off a library shelf and we've had some fun reading and discussing the different bits of information. Anyway, today we had the following conversation:

Me: Do you remember what a 'herbivore' is?

Dennis: Yes! A vegetarian. And carnivores are meatatarians and animals that eat both are omnisauruses!

Me: ...

Now that's some fancy book learnin' for ya.

Off topic sidenote: Eden wanted to watch a movie on this rainy day and she chose Murder By Death. I love that girl.

Self-indulgent disclaimer

2009-09-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

I just feel the need to say that as I blog, I am never intending on telling people how they should view things. I'm not trying to teach people the right way to parent or the correct way to see things. That would be impossible seeing as I don't know the right way to parent (nor do I believe in a right way to parent which is another blog post). I fully expect to look back on my blog one day and laugh at my own ramblings or feel I need to put out a retraction on my previous thoughts.

To view my blog as informational or educational or judgmental would be an error mainly because it would imply this blog is about someone or something other than me. It's not. The nature of the blog is that I can put all the thoughts rattling around in my head down and share them. If people don't like the thoughts, they can simply stop reading. It really is all about me.

A disclaimer about how self-indulgent I am. Hmmmmm. I suspect this is one of those things I will look back on and laugh at my former self... who is my present self who is looking ahead at my future self looking back. See? Self-indulgent.

Charactering our children out of their childhoods

2009-09-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

By charactering (which is so not a word), I mean commercial characters. The commercial characters that are on every scooter, every board game and every pack of underwear those big box stores carry. Blue's Clues, the Disney Princesses, Dora, etc. It's a pretty hot topic within parenting circles and in the circles I run in, parents are generally against them. The main argument is the negative impact these characters have on our children's pretend play and ability to be imaginative.

I am going to wager most people who know me would think I'm generally against commercial characters. But I'm not.

Two reasons.

1. I already choose a path that distances my children from their peers. They don't have the shared experience of going to school. That is a huge part of the average childhood, mine included, and my children don't have that. By also disallowing them access to pop culture, they are even further away from their peers. If they have the access to pop culture and choose not to engage in it, that's fine. There is nothing saying you have to love and accept pop culture to function in this world. But it is a shared cultural experience I want my children at least exposed to.

2. It doesn't make enough of a difference in our lives one way or the other to go out of my way to avoid it. Honestly, I don't think the imagination of a child can be squashed so easily. The other day, Eden took the insert from a new Littlest Pet Shop toy she received and pretended it was a treasure map. She had the idea of a treasure map after reading the Blue's Clues book about Steve and Blue going on a treasure hunt. She and I took turns pretending to read the map and find treasure at the end of the hunt.

This particular imaginative play was sparked by mass marketed characters but they didn't cause her to be imaginative any more than they dulled her imagination. They are simply another part of her world that she introduces in to her pretend play.

Now, if we want to talk about bad business practices and that her Littlest Pet Shop toy was probably assembled by a child about her age in China and then shelved by an American who is not making a living wage and likely can hardly afford basic health care, then I'm in. But as far as squashing imagination? Eh.

Oh, and fun fact, Eden is currently playing with two Barbie dolls in the bathtub. My brother may have to stop calling me a hippie after all.

Well-behaved children

2009-09-20T11:34:00.000-07:00

Well-behaved children. I don't like 'em. Ok, I don't dislike well-behaved children. I dislike thinking of children as "well-behaved" and "poorly behaved." It really, really, really irks me. I actually have a reaction to hearing it in conversation because generally the person means the child didn't do exactly what he or she was told to do or didn't act within some very strict boundaries of "socially acceptable."

First, I think this issue of how well-behaved children are comes from some idea that they are less-than-human. They aren't quite dogs but they aren't humans either. They need to be "trained" to be good. We have this idea that children will not choose good over evil unless they are bribed or punished. Without a sticker chart, a child would never unload the dishwasher. Without time out, a child would never stop hitting other children. Too often, the way I hear children's behavior issues being addressed by other adults and even on TV shows like The Supernanny (oh, she's a whole 'nother story) sounds very much like the Dog Whisperer.

So, that's my first issue with the term. It comes from a place of disrespect.

My second issue is that it generally speaks to the child's developmental stage rather than behavior that is within the child's control. A well-behaved 2 year old doesn't tantrum, shriek, hit or bite. A poorly behaved 2 year old does one or more of those things. Does anyone really think any 2 year old has the self control and impulse control to be well-behaved? It's about personality and where they are developmentally.

So, that's my other issue. The label is used on children who have no control over which label they get slapped with even though the nature of the label implies control.

My last issue with it is where I'm going to lose a lot of you and I get that. I'm not a perfect parent. I have some ideas on parenting that get lost in translation between theory and practice. I also have some ideas on parenting that don't fit everyone's family. So just bear with me on this one.

My main issue with the term is that it usually means blindly obedient to authority. The concept that a child must do what an authority figure asks without question. If I ask Dennis to walk the dog and he says, "but I walked her the last 3 times" society tells me that he is "talking back." If he expresses himself with anything except "sure, mom. whatever you say," he is being poorly behaved. A well-behaved child would walk the dog. Never mind that his point is not only valid but reflects the agreement of shared dog walking responsibility that we have. The idea that he should shut up and just do as I say completely disrespects his intelligence and sends him a message I don't want him to receive -- that blind obedience is more important that logic and reason.

What is so wrong or threatening about a child asking why or presenting a counter point to an authority figure? Why is obedience so very, very important?

My goal shouldn't be to get through our children's childhoods but rather to raise adults. People who are going to work and contribute to this society. People who are going to lead, hopefully, long and fulfilling lives. When I think of a successful adult, do I think of someone who cannot offer a counterpoint? Someone who cannot own his choice, right or wrong? Someone who has little motivation if there isn't an external reward? Obviously not. A successful adult thinks outside the box. He doesn't bend just because someone bigger or smarter questions his choices. He knows how to weigh his options and make his choice, right or wrong, and own that choice. He knows how to stand up to those around him who are bullying him or trying to take advantage. He doesn't hit or steal or scream at people not because he is afraid of the consequences but because he cares about other people. He follows his own life path and his own conscience/beliefs even if society or religion or the previous generation tells him he is wrong.

Where are children going to learn these ideas? Do they wake up at 18 and fully understand empathy, abstract thinking and logical reasoning? They need to learn these things as children while they have that safe place to land when they fall. Dennis needs to talk back to me so I can help him frame the polite and appropriate way to offer a counter argument. He doesn't need to wait until he's standing in front of his college class and fumbles through his response or backs down when the professor glares at him. Eden needs to make the wrong choice even though I counseled her beforehand so that she can learn to accept that the choice was hers before she enters the workforce and simply learns to dodge responsibility for mishaps. All of my children need to stand up to me so they can learn to stand on their own two feet against whatever they will face in their lives.

There is so much for children to learn but when we teach them to behave without questioning and label them in a way that would never, ever translate to the adult world, we're doing them a disservice. They won't be children forever and there is much more to this life and this world than obedience.

So... Eli's hair

2009-09-19T19:26:00.001-07:00

Eli usually wears his hair on the long side. Today after bath he was whining about combing it so I said, obviously using all the wisdom 10 years of parenting has given me, "if you don't want to comb it, maybe it's time for shorter hair. Would you rather I comb it or cut it?"

Sigh. He said cut.

So, I got out the clippers and began the dramatic process of cutting his hair and making it look somewhat decent. It didn't have to be perfect but I didn't want people looking at him and thinking, "my, what an unfortunate haircut." And buzzing his hair is not an option. Eli has a high hair line and, I swear, half of his face is forehead. (Anna, insert your fivehead joke here)

I am now considering lobbying our government to make it illegal to sell clippers without some type of licensing. People like me, with little to no hair cutting experience, can buy these clippers and traumatize our children with them. It's a menace to society.

No, I didn't take pictures. I'll let it grow out a bit before the camera comes back out. Those who see us out and about will surely say, "It doesn't look that bad" which is code for "I will sign any petition you want if it involves the banning of over-the-counter clipper sales."

Off to school!

2009-09-14T21:26:00.001-07:00

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Just kidding! Dennis and Xander heard about a one day a week homeschool enrichment program they wanted to try. I toured it last spring, asked a million questions and then decided that it's really their business if they want to go. They do all the awesome school things like eat in a cafeteria and wear backpacks and none of the lame stuff like book reports. They take PE, Art, Music, Spanish, Science experiments and Xander takes social studies and Dennis takes computer lab.

They love it. Dennis protested having to wear a uniform (the boy doesn't like to match his clothes but he sure loves picking them out) but for one day a week, he can suck it up.

Eli and Eden also love it. We had lunch at McDonalds with their dad last week. Tomorrow, we are going on a field trip to the grocery store geared towards the 3-5 year old set. Eli is old enough for the program but he didn't want to go.

Being very firm about our path as autodidactic homeschoolers (worked that one in to the conversation, didn't I?) I was hesitant about sending them to such a schooly environment. Once there, they have to take all the classes and do all that is required. They can't opt out of a class they don't enjoy. It's all or nothing. But in the end, if they choose it, they are still at the helm. They know they can quit (with a month's notice so I don't lose that tuition!). So far so good!

Look at the baby!

2009-09-13T22:24:00.001-07:00

My cold is making it hard to really sleep so I was watching a britcom on Netflix streaming (Waiting For God to be specific) and looking through old pictures of my kids. I still can't believe Eden was ever chubby! And bald! Who would have guessed that that bald head would have a pile of red curls eventually?

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2009-09-11T09:11:00.001-07:00

I walked out on my in laws' porch and I looked to my right and saw this exact scene. It was not a pose for a photograph at all. I had to make them hold it while I ran back inside to get the camera.

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They do love each other and now I have proof :)

Tools

2009-09-10T10:08:00.001-07:00

A friend recently posted about an experience in a Montessori school where her daughter was pretending to make soup in the scooping center and that she was unsure of how she felt about the teacher telling her daughter that she cannot do that with "work." A Montessori teacher in our group gave some very interesting and insightful posts about the thinking behind this. I felt like I got it... only I didn't. Then I realized that within the Montessori philosophy, I got it. But when I then took that and applied to it my own educational thoughts, I didn't get it. In my world, when a 3 year old makes bean "soup" instead of scooping the beans, the adult should neither discourage nor encourage. If the child is happily exploring or pretending, I (as the "teacher") am not part of the equation.

But there were some points about using tools correctly that caused me some pause. Over the course of mulling this over a bit, I walked in to the living room and saw the below scene:

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Eli had taken the weights from our number scale and the one inch blocks out of our "math" basket (where I keep all math manipulatives in easy reach) and built a house. He knows what the tools are "supposed" to be for but he chose to use them the way he wanted to.

Theory is all good but nothing helps put it in perspective like watching it happen. I realized I really do have no issue with how "tools" are being used and I do enjoy watching my kids take a pile of materials, ignore their traditional purpose and do what interests them. Problem solving, imagination, logic, thinking outside the box... all skills I want my children to have. I just have to get out of the way.

The windy path of education

2009-09-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

You know how you'll have a conversation where one thing leads to another and another and before you know it, you look back and can hardly see where you even started? Those conversations make up a good chunk of our homeschooling adventures.

Last night, we read Stolen Thunder, a retelling of the Norse myth about Thrym stealing Thor's hammer. That led to talking about how Thursday is from "Thor's day" and how our days of the week in English are Roman or Norse in origin. So we looked up exactly which ones were which. And that led to finding out that Saturday is named after Saturn who, in Roman mythology, is the father of Jupiter, Neptune, Juno, etc. In Greek mythology, the kids know him as Kronos. And that led to the etymology of "chrono-" meaning time. Chronometer, chronology, etc.

From Mjolnir to chronology, I think the kids learned a thing or two. And, bonus, I can now pronounce Mjolnir. Whether or not I pronounce it correctly is immaterial. I can say it and say it with confidence.

We are autodidactic homeschoolers.

2009-09-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

That's my new answer to people when they ask how we "do school" here at home. Why? Because saying "self-directed" just isn't flashy enough.

An unexpected addition

2009-09-02T10:38:00.001-07:00

Meet Leopold! About a week ago, Dennis looked in his leopard gecko tank that has two geckos only he saw three. We knew the two adults were male and female but it seemed by the internet to involve work to get them to mate and have a successful hatchling. Apparently, you simply have to take mediocre care of them and voila! Baby!

Here's the thing. The egg took 45-60 days to hatch. How in the world did none of us see it? I clean the tank weekly including 5 days before the hatchling was discovered. I think that proves the mediocrity of our care for our lizards.

Isn't he cute?

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Now, see, one mating produces 8-10 clutches of 2 eggs each so this little guy may just be the beginning of a legacy. I'm going to put the female in her own tank with a hatching area so we won't have anymore surprises.

I'm not ready yet

2009-09-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Xander signed up to take the breakdancing class Dennis has been taking. After the first week, he told me, "I like it but I don't think I'm ready for it." Fast forward a week and Eli was offered a small speaking part in a jr. musical theater production of Mary Poppins. His response? "I'm not ready for theater yet" and promptly quit the class.

I love that my kids can often express exactly what they are thinking so clearly. I feel like I spend a decent amount of energy waffling over various things. To just admit that I am not ready/not available/not interested in doing something, no matter how wonderful and admirable that thing is, would be very freeing.

In other theater news, Xander got the role of Michael in the production and Eden has a few roles -- penguin, kite flyer and banker's daughter. The first 2 roles are singing/dancing with a group roles and the other is a non speaking performance role. She has to look little and cute. Check and check.

A touch of the evil genius perhaps?

2009-08-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

Dennis informed me that if he ever robbed a bank, he would sell the money on ebay. I told him that I didn't understand why he would sell money on ebay for money. He said that if he could get rid of the tainted money by selling it and replacing it with non-tainted money, he wouldn't get caught. If the police traced the stolen money, they'd get the other person and he could spend his money without concern.

While laundering money through ebay doesn't sound like the safest bet, how in the world did my 10 year old think through the scenario enough to come up with the concept of laundering money? A little scary.

Perfection

2009-08-21T21:38:00.001-07:00

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You boys will like this!

2009-08-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

Today, we met friends at the Chronicles of Narnia exhibit at Union Station in Kansas City. While waiting to go through the exhibit, the entrance room had some period items explaining the background for why the children were sent to live in the country rather than staying in London. The woman explaining that part of the exhibit said, "you boys will like this! A replica bomber from WWII" to which I replied, "Eden! Look at the airplane from WWII!"

I wasn't trying to make a point about assuming that boys would be interested in an airplane whereas a girl wouldn't be. I didn't need to. Eden made the point herself simply by being a pretty pink princess... who loves airplanes.

Learning when to step away

2009-08-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty clear policy on homeschooling -- when my kids want to learn something, I facilitate. When they don't, I let it go. Is it really that simple?

Of course not! It wouldn't be my life if it were that simple!

The gray area: My son finds out all of his friends in public school know how to write in cursive and he hasn't learned it yet. He wants to learn cursive to keep up with them. With no real desire to learn it, should I sit him down and teach him cursive? Or my other son wants to learn to read just because other kids his age can read and he can't. Without the proper pre-reading development, should I sit down and teach him to read before he's ready to actually master the task?

No, I shouldn't.

But wait!! They want to learn it! How can I walk away from their burning desire even if the motivation is external and the learning process will not be natural? (cue dramatic music) How dare I let my philosophy get in the way of their education!

And the answer is... I give them the materials to learn it and walk away. With the cursive writing, I handed my son a cursive writing workbook that is self-instructive. I didn't refuse to help if he asked for specific help but the bulk of learning cursive was on him. Same with my son who wanted to read before he was ready. I set him up with a reading program on the computer and walked away.

And Dennis learned some cursive but doesn't use it in spontaneous writing. Neither do most adults I know. And Xander didn't learn to read from that program but has begun reading sight words here and there. So I read easy reader books with him and now he's picking up reading naturally. No tears. No frustration. No butting heads.

Even when my kids express a desire to learn something, I have had to learn whether it is time to facilitate that learning experience or if it is time for me to give them the tools and walk away. And seeing as I just brim with confidence at all times, I always know which to do. Always. Like as in usually. Ok, maybe I have to present the situation to 100 friends, poll the audience, phone a friend and then decide what to do. But I always decide. Sometimes.

Our day today

2009-08-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

Our homeschool group had a field trip to a nature center where a naturalist gave a neat class on native animals. These kids crack me up. And they made his life easy --- he didn't need to plan much material as they had enough questions and statements to fill up hours of time.

One question was "who knows what a mammal is?" and a little friend of ours launched in to this long explanation about how mammals are like elephants but they aren't and how they have a trunk and tusks and... and then his mom realized he is talking about a mammOTH not a mammAL. Hilarious!

And I realized that if there is a question, Xander will give an answer. He doesn't really seem to care if he has any knowledge or experience base on which to draw from for these answers. He'll make up something.

Dennis worked really hard to be too cool for the class but he had to give in when the naturalist started making animal sounds for them to identify.

Then Dennis had a breakdancing class that he's teaching in our home as part of a co-op. It was the last class and it started with 4 children and is down to 1. But that one student is WAY in to the class so that really helps.

Now Dennis is at a friend's house, Xander is playing Legos, Eli is using a geometry tool kit to make pictures on a huge piece of paper and Eden is on the PBS kids website.

The fun never ceases and I'm trying to convince my children that there isn't anything more fun than going to bed at 7pm. *yawn*

Structure time, not content

2009-08-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

Structure time, not content is a little tidbit I stole from the Thomas Jefferson Education model. While we don't follow the method entirely, this certain part fits in to our philosophy of self directed learning while compensating for my flakiness.

I tend to lose focus and hyperfocus in turns. Not enough to frustrate normal living but unschooling 4 children is far from "normal" living. I can't hyperfocus on, say, writing a blog post and still be available to my children when they need me. Alternately, I can't be sitting around waiting for them to need me or else I'll drift off to something else which I will then hyperfocus on which throws us back to point 1.

A vicious cycle of flakiness.

So, we have structured time in the mornings where I am available for assisting the children with what they need. I make sure that when I drift, I drift to something I can easily come back from. A dry but informative book. A word puzzle. A short cleaning task like picking up 400 one-inch squares of tissue paper that Eli decided to have a ticker tape parade with... in our living room.

But the content? Still up to them. I encourage projects and reading help and math games to be asked for during that time so that we don't have the issues in the afternoon when I delve in to online reading, reading a great novel or larger cleaning tasks that I have a harder time breaking away from. But in the end they choose what they want to do.

Naturally, they continue learning outside of our structured time. I would even argue that they don't need the structured time at all. It's really for me to be a better facilitator and that benefits everyone.

Hands on Equations

2009-08-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

Hands On Equations. Google it. It is a visual and kinesthetic (fun fact: I cannot pronounce kinesthetic) approach to algebra. Dennis did the first 2 lessons today and was able to solve 3x + x = 2x + 4 by the end.

Next lesson: subtractive property of equations.

I highly recommend it for any one wanting to learn elementary algebra. Dennis could care less about algebra but he really likes figuring out puzzles. Word puzzles, number puzzles, mystery stories, logic problems... he loves it all.

The next Agatha Christie

2009-08-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

Xander wrote a mystery story today. He dictated most of it and his friend wrote but she contributed some to the story line. I cleaned up the spelling so that you can read it.

"This is a Mystery Story of Murder"

A hotel and There's 50 People

One guy was a mystery guy and he brought cash and a smoker and the other guest was a woman and she was wearing a coat because it was pretty cold.

A detective and he had a shot gun and then the owner at bedtime got killed and the nhe said to the 50 people then he said, "one of you guys broke an artifact."

At dinner time the guy with the smoker got killed by a poison food then they get some drinks and then everyone slept in their own rooms and only except one was the detective.

Someone made a cake with a bomb in it. Someone throwed it into a bed and then the mystery person ran outside and then he want back inside. And then the detective looked in the kitchen.

And then he found the murder game and he jiggled it and heard stolen money. Its day and he goes knocking on the doors saying "is this yours?" and all of them said no.

He opens it and finds thousands of dallars and he asks the manager to see if it was his but it was a no and then there was a scream and a yelp. Then someone came into the room and finds dead bodies of a mom and a kid.

He said to everyone "did you murder someone? oh, no the kids is dead" and then they said whoever the killer is will get a fortune.

Everyone said he did it. He said "show me your gun" only one had the gun. He said, I have a gun. I murdered them. You're under arrest he said. It was the detective.

The detective was the murderer! Didn't see that coming!

I'm back!

2009-08-14T12:31:00.001-07:00

I decided to start blogging again. I like to read myself type.

I bought the Right Start math manipulative set and Eli decided to explore the math balance.

http://www.activitiesforlearning.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=53

Within 30 seconds of playing with it, he put 4 weights on the "5" and 1 on the "10" on one side and automatically put 2 weights on the "5" and 2 weights on the "10" on the other side. Not piece by piece. Not gradually. He just did it.

He's 5.

Good heavens, I wish I could take credit for that. Downside? I just spent $$$ on something that took my 5 year old 30 seconds to master.

A songwriter at heart

2008-11-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

"In the winterrrrrrrr
of Jesus Chri-eyest
I'm a magical beannnnnnn
and can walk through wall-alls"

That was the first verse of Xander's new song.

My Eli

2008-11-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

Eli had $50 from his birthday to spend. He wanted to buy an Indiana Jones lego set that would cost $50. Instead, he gave a $20 bill to Xander because Xander didn't have any money and bought himself a smaller toy. Then, he let Dennis ride his brand new scooter while he rode his old one since Dennis didn't have a scooter to ride. Both of these things he did with a shrug like it wasn't really a big deal.

I was going to have some punchline about him being a socialist but, really, he's just too sweet for a joke.

I can have your uterus!

2008-11-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Not something you expect to hear from a 5 year old.

Today on the drive to speech therapy, Eli told me that he came out of daddy's belly since he was a boy and Eden came out of my belly since she is a girl. I told him that it was an interesting idea but even if you are a boy, you come out of your mommy's uterus. I told him that one day, if Eden chooses, she can have babies grow in her uterus. Eli responded, "I wanna have babies too!" so I told him he can find a wife one day and have babies that grow in her uterus. Eden can find a husband one day to help put a baby in her uterus.

(by the way, if you are wondering, yes, throughout this entire conversation I wondered if I was giving far too much information to my children)

And then Eli said, "I can have your uterus, mommy!" I asked him to clarify this idea and he said he wants to put the baby in my uterus. Well, Oedipus my boy, you are going to have to find someone else because you only put babies in the uterus of a woman you are not related to.

And that's when I *knew* I was giving too much information. He didn't come out of speech therapy with any reports of uteri-related talk so I'm hopeful I'll have another shot at getting this discussion right in the future... the far off future.

Two for One birthday

2008-11-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

5 years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I named him Elias Lars but he decided at the age of 2 to go by Ha. He's been Ha until today when he told me "I'm 5 now and my name is Eli."

3 years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Eden Hazel. I wanted a name that was feminine, natural and not cutesy. I also wanted to name her after my grandmother. She told me today that she wants to be called Duck.

Happy birthday(s), Eli and Duckie!

Obama's going to win

2008-11-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

That's what Xander said today. "I know Obama is going to win."

Me: Really? How do you know he'll win?

Xander: because he'll get the most votes.

Um, duh. Ask a stupid question...

Random Eden cuteness

2008-10-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

Few things about Eden. Her most common phrase is "What about me?!" followed closely by "What's happening?!" She needs to be in the middle of everything and heaven forbid she is not included.

Two funny moments:

Last night, Lars was putting our 42 in flat screen TV on the wall above the mantle. He was carrying it up a ladder with Eden yelling "Daddy! That TV too big for you. Put it down now!" So in addition to carrying said TV up said ladder, he was trying not to laugh and drop it. You'll all be happy to know that the TV is in place safely though the cord doesn't reach the outlet so we need to buy a non-orange extension cord for it. So we have a very expensive wall decoration.

Next funny moment -- I was getting Eden in her pajamas and, as always, she asked where I bought her pjs. I told her a friend gave them to us. She started talking about how she wouldn't have any pajamas if my friend didn't give her some and then she was on the verge of tears as she talked about how cold she would be if she didn't have pajamas. I assured her I would have bought her pajamas if the friend hadn't given them to us but she just would not stop.

She'll be 3 on Sunday. We have a long 16 years to go.

My day off

2008-10-28T14:01:00.000-07:00

I always take Tuesday off of everything because I take a weekly medication on Monday evening that has strong side effects. I figured the kids would be fine having a lazy day. After 2 months, I've realized that when I'm doing so-so, it works. But when I'm really feeling the side effects? Crash and burn. The poor kids still think they need food and attention when all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep.

The weekends is our time with the family so I didn't want to take the medication then. But I'm going to start taking it Saturday nights. That way if I have a bad day on Sunday, Lars is here to help out. It'll cut in to our family time but I completely fell apart today around 2pm even after taking it easy up until then. Lars won't be home until 5:30 at the very earliest...

blah

John McCain is bananas!

2008-10-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

I taught a coop class on the presidential election today and used fruit as our candidates to mimic the process. It was a decided failure. But the details are going to have to wait until the valium kicks in. Ok, it wasn't that bad. Just almost.

But there were a few highlights. The two fruits were grapes and bananas. So Xander decided that "Barack Obama is grapes and John McCain is bananas!" That was hilarious. And then he sang a campaign song for "grapes." It went "grapey-rapey, grapey-rapey." Yeah, because using the word "rape" in your campaign is really going to go over well.

Things I'm avoiding

2008-10-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd list of things I am avoiding by blogging instead. It's sort of the opposite of a to-do list -- a list of things I am not going to do.

1. laundry. How can I get rid of BAGS of clothes and still have tons of laundry? For heaven's sake, it seems like they run around naked half the time anyway. I'm ready to give everyone two outfits and two sets of pajamas. Then I just do one load of laundry every day and we ALWAYS have clean clothes.

2. dishes. There are only a few in the sink. But if I put them in the dishwasher now, the sink won't get filled up by dinner time. Nice thought.

3. putting away groceries. Personally, I think I paid enough for those reusable chico bags that they should also double as grocery holders.

4. cleaning out the fridge. There is some potato soup in the back I forgot about. And I'm trying to keep forgetting. It is to the point that I think I may just throw it away -- storage bowl and all.

5. sorting through boxes and boxes of books. We're redoing all of the bedrooms and I don't want to put all the book cases back in the rooms until I get rid of the books we don't need or don't want.

6. making dinner. I want to go out tonight to a mom's night out and that would require making sure there was a meal here for everyone to eat. I mean, Lars could cook dinner but... ok, couldn't type that with a straight face. I think we're out of macaroni and cheese and they've already had cereal once today and that exhausts Lars's culinary specialities.

7. offering to help Lars as he is reflooring Eden's room. Not actually helping him... just offering.

8. working on homemade Christmas gifts for a family gift swap that I need to mail out soon.

9. finish the posters for a homeschool election day class that is tomorrow.

10. read a Magic Treehouse book to Xander for book club this week.

That's about it. It's enough to fill a whole day of procrastination.

Guess where Xander is...

2008-10-20T22:50:00.001-07:00

He's sleeping over at Paul's house. And Paul's mom totally gets it. She lives it with Paul and she totally gets it.

Even part of me thinks it sounds odd for a mother to be so excited over one friend. But this is one friend he can remember the name of. This is one friend who asks for Xander specifically to play over. This is one friend who doesn't care if Xander wanders off. This is one friend that Xander talks about even when he isn't around. Seven years of fleeting playmates and now a friend.

:*)

Paul

2008-10-13T19:50:00.001-07:00

Xander has a friend named Paul who just turned 9 and has autism. I have been amused by their friendship. Neither of them expects the other to maintain an appropriate social interaction. Neither expects a give and take relationship. Neither of them expects anything from the other one. Here is a sample conversation:

Paul: I like Blue's Clues.
Xander: My mom has a big bed.
P: Do you like Steve?
X: Yeah and I like turtles.

You've heard of parallel play? We call this parallel conversation. They occasionally connect at some level (Paul mentions a TV show and we have our TV in our room so it makes Xander think of my big bed. And Steve gives Blue a turtle in Blues Clues). Now, really, neither of them are following the conversation the way most people would. Other kids would ask what a bed had to do with Blues Clues. They would expect more understanding and more give and take in the conversation. Paul and Xander both connect at surface level and that's what they want.

Today at Paul's birthday party, Xander told a joke.

"Why did the Jedi knights go to the moon? To rescue Princess Leia!"

No one laughed. Except Paul. He laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard. Why? Maybe he knows that if someone tells a joke, he's supposed to laugh. He's used to not getting jokes so he knows to just laugh anyway. Then again, maybe on some level he actually did get it. Whatever makes the joke funny to Xander that I don't understand also makes the joke funny to Paul.

In any event, Xander has a friend who expects nothing from him and accepts a non reciprocal relationship because it's the type of relationship he wants as well. It isn't unlike friendships I have where I feel the other person truly *gets* me. I'm interested to see the direction this friendship takes Xander. I wonder if the outright acceptance and equal footing will help Xander learn to develop more depth in his relationships.

This will be good for Xander, I think. Or it'll just continue to be terribly amusing to me and Paul's mom.

Angst

2008-10-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

Where in the world does my son get the right to have angst at 9 years old? He leads a charmed existence. I usually have to really work to separate myself from the topic when he starts in about it because I do take it too personally. And I know he only does it when he's really tired and every thing looks bad when looking at it with sleepy eyes. But, geeze, is there anything this kid needs that he doesn't have?

So, in fighting the desire to start spouting off about starving children in Africa last night, I had him make a list of the reasons his life is miserable and the reason his life isn't miserable. Here is the list:

Why my life is miserable
I have bros that act like brats
I feel like I am always left out
I feel like I always get the blame
and I feel nobody cares
and I feel like everybody hates me

Why my life is NOT miserable
well I get to homeschool
I have a good family
I have a parent to stay home
and I get to do lots of things

In looking over the lists, I got a lot of clarity. Did you notice that under reasons his life is miserable, all but one are "I feel" rather than statements of fact? But his reasons under not having a miserable life are all facts.

So, basically, he understands that the reasons he hates his life (enter dramatic pause here) are all in his perception and not 100% facts excepting the bratty brothers of course. Again, he proves himself more mature and insightful than many adults I know.

He *gets* it but just needs to blow off steam every once in a while. Nothing more for me to say except "I understand" and then give him space.

The details

2008-09-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks to some friends who talked with me last night online, I have been able to piece together a coherent run down of everything. So thank you to my favorite people I've ever been shunned with!

Xander’s appointment was better than I thought. His intelligence is average and low IQ was a concern of mine. The assessment team member who did the eval said that Xander is really one of the most high functioning of high functioning ASD kids. He said that even with the diagnosis, Xander only came within a few points of qualifying for services. So all that was great.

But in the end, he *did* qualify for services and that smarts even though I knew it going in.

How do you really explain PDD-NOS without going in to too much detail? Xander was given a dx of pdd-nos but I was told that depending on where we go for services, it can be called atypical autism (even Xander’s autism isn’t typical… what does that say about him?) or high functioning autism spectrum disorder. Maybe we'll just say "atypical autism" so that when I say "autism," I don't have to hear "but he's so social!" Yeah, that's what makes it atypical!

The assessment team member said that Xander talks a good talk initially but can't maintain a conversation or social interaction beyond the initial hellos and how are yous. He said I did a good job teaching him -- so good that he suspects I will hear a lot of people doubt the dx. He said that he was even unsure of a diagnosis at all until he talked with Xander one-on-one and saw what I see every day.

One thing he said was that for as social as Xander is and for all the friends he can name, he doesn't really have friends like we do. It's hard to gauge how kids internalize friendships so what he did was asked Xander to name some of his friends. A typical child will start with the friends who are emotionally close and move outwards from there. Xander named the people he has known the longest including a 12 girl year old next door that he never plays with and a 10 year old he hasn't played with in months. He didn't mention a boy he met several months ago who he has played with at least weekly. So his "friends" aren't really friends.

I got a lot of compliments. At one point, the assessment team member was talking to Xander and Xander was responding but he had his back to the guy. So I said, “Xander, we look at people when they’re talking to us.” The assessment guy was impressed with that. He said it was a positive statement (rather than saying “don’t turn your back on people” I gave the desired action instead), that I did it without drawing a lot of attention to the fact I was correcting Xander and it worked. Xander did his best to look in the general direction of the person talking to him. It’s nice to hear I was doing things correctly from someone who sees families like ours every day. He also thinks those social corrections are important and encouraged me to keep it up.

He could tell I’ve taught Xander a lot because, like I said earlier, he said Xander “talks the talk.” He knows what to say in a conversation because we’ve practiced it. He can’t maintain a “normal” conversation on his own but that will come with time. But the first steps – the awkward “what do I say?” issues – have been dealt with.

He also said I really knew Xander. I was able to give very clear comments and answers. He said he was surprised at how well I could explain the subtleties. For instance, he asked if Xander could follow a 3 step direction. I told him that if the steps were related, yes. If not, no. Many people don’t notice/understand the difference. He asked about following through with instructions like ‘pick up the toys’ or ‘get dressed.’ Again, I told him that if the instruction is followed by immediate action, he does it. If there is a delay or distraction, he doesn’t do it. I apologized for never giving yes/no answers but he said the more information he got, the better. Well, he got it.

I think the biggest thing that gives me the insight is time. Xander is with me 24-7. I have to know him to stay sane. I’ve gotten some really great insight from books about high functioning ASD and friends who have blazed the trail ahead of me. But most of it comes from taking those insights and trying them out. If it fits yay! But if not, we try something else.

So, in the end, it was a very good appointment. I got confirmation that what I do with Xander is right (even though I feel like I’m winging it), Xander got access to services and, most importantly, I still got to walk out with the same amazing, quirky little boy I walked in with. Win-win-win.

PDD-NOS

2008-09-22T12:23:00.000-07:00

Because they couldn't give me something simple to say. Xander officially has a diagnosis of pervasive developmental disorder -- not otherwise specified. It means, in his case, that his speech delay is too significant for aspergers and his social skills are too high for typical autism. It is still on the autism spectrum and in 20 years, they may have a specific name for it. But until then, he gets the "gray area" diagnosis.

It makes him eligible for services and still very much Xander. I'm happy with that.

And I was complimented both on how I redirected him and how well I knew him. The evaluator said that when he talked with Xander, he would see and hear exactly what I was concerned about even though it didn't "click" before.

So. That's that. Now we move forward with access to services.

Gustav and anxiety

2008-08-31T23:22:00.000-07:00

Gustav = anxiety

Why else would I be blogging at 1:20am? I love listening to the news. "95% of people in New Orleans and surrounding areas have evacuated." Yeah, the 5% includes some of my family. One cousin + husband are still on the West Bank as I type. They're going to "ride it out." Thank God the levees have been completely repaired in the last 3 years. Oh, wait, that's right. They haven't.

Another cousin evacuated all the way to Slidell. So, really, it isn't fair to say she evacuated. It's more like she evacuated-ish.

Stay safe, GNO.

LAZY with a capital L-A-Z-Y

2008-08-30T15:53:00.000-07:00

So by a show of hands, who thought this blog post would be about me? Anyone? Yeah, I am lazyish. I can be very lazy but my life is so busy that I have no choice but to keep moving. This post is about my dog.

Now, some people like small dogs because their exercise needs are low. In the case of my 14 lb ball of snow, his needs are so low that he doesn't even know they're there. Jasper's idea of exercise is pacing in front of his food bowl or walking in the yard until he finds a good enough spot to lie down. Since we'd like to keep our snowball within the standard range for his breed for his own health, we have to force exercise on him. In the form of two 1/2 mile walks each day.

So even though I don't wanna (!), I take one rotation of walking him and force the other on my husband or son. He doesn't run ahead of me or jerk the leash away. We take a very leisurely walk until he climbs in to the grass making me think he's about to do his business. Plastic bag in hand to clean up said business, I wait. He walks around and even turns in circles. Google says that is a sign he's about to do it. I wait and he... lies down.

People laugh. Oh, yes they do. Good thing Jasper doesn't notice. He's usually asleep by then.

The important things in life

2008-08-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

At the park yesterday, Eli was reluctant to leave when we needed to go. I had an appointment I just couldn't miss (oddly, the other person could and had stood me up) so we had to get a move on. I told him that I needed to leave and that I didn't want to leave him behind. I went to put his sister in the car and he yelled to me "you can't leave me! I not have my toothbrush for night time!"

What he's saying here is that I can feel free to abandon him at any time so long as I pack his toothbrush first. Good to know. I have a feeling this information will come in handy when he's around 15.

Yeah

2008-08-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

Someone asked Eden her name. She normally doesn't talk to people she doesn't know but she made an exception today. The name she gave? Princess.

Well then.

Clothes

2008-08-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

This morning, I offered Eden a tee shirt with a picture of a dog on it. Thought it might be more appropriate for the 85 degree day at the park than her original choice of a sweatshirt. She replied, "My friends have already seen my dog shirt." Oh, heaven forbid she be seen at the park in the same outfit twice!

So different than her oldest brother. A few weeks ago Dennis put on red mesh shorts and a blue striped tee. I told him he didn't match and suggested he got change. His reply? "Mom, I'm just not the matching type." While I let him wear it being that I'm all free and respectful and whatever, I made sure everyone we encountered knew that I suggested he change.

But nothing beats the 6 months Eli wore the same exact outfit every day. Well, different sets of the same outfit. Blue jeans (on backwards), green striped shirt and brown shoes (on the wrong feet). Believe it or not, that was pretty relaxed for him because for a while he'd only wear osh kosh jeans. Those were fun times. Try handing down jeans and explaining why the back of the knees were wearing thin.

Should probably blog about homeschooling...

2008-08-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

Figuring this is a homeschooling blog, I should say something about homeschooling. Hmmmm... well, it is back-to-school season but we homeschool year round so that doesn't really apply. Well, except that we can finally go back to all of our favorite places since 98% of the 5-18 year old population is in school. Tomorrow we're going to the waterpark. Um, it's physical education... yeah...

There really isn't even a title...

2008-08-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

For Xander's birthday, a friend bought him an electric toothbrush. May sound like an odd gift but all is well in Xanderland. He has brushed his teeth more times in the last 24 hours than he has in his entire life. This morning, he came up to me with his elbow bent reaching over his shoulder and his electric toothbrush under his shirt.

"Mom! This toothbrush keeps my teeth clean and makes an awesome back scratcher!"

Did you know it is possible to laugh and gag at the same time? Uncomfortable, yes, but definitely possible.

The forbidden question

2008-08-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor last Monday. For those who don't know, I have had chronic joint pain for 6 years without a diagnosis. It is a very long and weaving path to tell the whole story but the whole story isn't important. The doctor and I were at a point that we were both comfortable with treating it even without a solid diagnosis. Risky? Sure. But after 6 years, I had to look past the blood tests and trust my doctor. He asked if I was ready to try medication and I said yes. Then he asked "can you give yourself an injection?"

Um, what? I think I misunderstood. It sort of sounded like he wanted me to stick myself with a needle. Clearly he is insane. I birthed a nearly 10 lb baby without drugs and the best part was that meant no needle!

Ok, so the needle is itty bitty. So it doesn't hurt. Whatever. I still can't look at it and say "doesn't hurt" because I'm too busy saying "OMG A NEEDLE!?!!?!"

Woof!

2008-07-26T18:16:00.000-07:00

More like "yap yap!" seeing as we adopted a shih tzu today. To be honest, I have no idea what his bark sounds like since he hasn't actually barked yet. That has to be a good sign.

He's a 13 month old pure bred shih tzu who was released from a breeder since he wasn't good enough stud material. Well, now he's really not good stud material... the stitches come out on Friday. I was looking for a westie but this little one was just so sweet and had a great personality. I thought I'd just take him for a little walk at the rescue. Yeah, a little walk landed him right in to our home.

His name is Jasper... for now. He is snow white and came with the name Snowy that he doesn't respond to. Dennis wanted to name him Snow Dude. Xander wanted to name him Jesus. I am so not yelling "C'mere, Jesus! Good boy, Jesus! Time to potty, Jesus!" He's just "dog" to Eden. Eli isn't here to have an opinion and boy will he be mad that I got a dog while he was at grandma's house.

So, Jasper it is.

Is there a shrink in the house?

2008-07-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today, Dennis told me that some neighborhood kids were telling him he couldn't go to college if he homeschooled and that if he went back to school, they bet he'll get to skip a grade. These same kids have tried to talk him in to going back to school before and both have told their parents they want to homeschool. Their parents said no. I told Dennis that I'm sure they'd love to see him at school but perhaps they were saying these things because they were jealous. I said it doesn't make sense but when someone is jealous of what someone else has, they try to make it sound worse than what they have. He said, "no, that makes sense. They can't homeschool so they can't be even with me so they're trying to make me be even with them."

Psychology may be a good field for him if he's already figured this much out by the age of 9.

Project day!

2008-07-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

In about 12 hours (I really should go to bed), the kids present their projects. Dennis has his on Denmark and learned his dad's name is the third most popular male name in Denmark. Fascinating stuff. His grandparents are coming to see his presentation which is most helpful because I can't pronounce any of the words. I joke that he went above and beyond with his project and imported a real live Dane. Heh.

Xander's project... he stuck with the national symbols. Unfortunately, we've been listening to a biography of Bach in the car and now he got his phrases crossed. The CD says something about how Bach always prefaced his works with "For the Glory of God" or something like that. So now when you ask Xander what the motto is, instead of saying "In God We Trust" he says "for the glory of God we trust." Oy. One time he said "Praise the Lord!" Oy vey. Did I ever post about how he calls Mountain Dew "Decaf"? Mountain Dew -- caffeine -- decaf. It's like autistic cockney.

Oh, and Xander decided to draw the national symbols. He even drew thorns on the rose. I'll have to get a picture and post it. It's hilarious. His bald eagle is something else. Let's just say that he'll have the project awarded "most obviously made by the student" which is quite similar to the award Dennis got for his pinewood derby car if you all remember. What can I say? I already graduated school. I'm not doing any more projects and you can't make me.

Going green

2008-07-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

My blog that is. I'm already green enough. I hang my clothes out to dry (new idea), cloth diapered, use reusable shopping bags, conserve gas (even BEFORE it cost $4.00 a gallon), etc, etc. I'm even working with some friends on forming an Earth Scouts group.

And a different sort of green... when I start getting angry or overwhelmed and I want to start yelling, I tell the kids I'm turning green... I'm turning into the Incredible Hulk... muscles starting to ripple... In truth, I'm engaging in my own little brand of play therapy for myself and it works. I'm giving my emotions a voice rather than shoving them down but I'm not traumatizing my children by screaming and yelling.

So, to reflect my greenness... my blog is now green. Symbolism, play therapy, environmentalism and overuse of ellipses all in a single blog post. dude...

The biggest, the tallest, the bestest!

2008-07-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

For a homeschool group, Xander is doing a project on the United States. The theme is "countries" and he wanted to do Oklahoma... so we broadened it to the US. This is set up like a science fair. The kids present their displays and people ask questions and everyone claps.

I focused Xander on national symbols because I thought that it would be better than random facts but still stretch his abilities. Symbolism is entirely lost on him. Why is our national tree the oak? Is it the biggest tree? Do we have the most of them? Is it the coolest tree? A symbol for the US should be because it is the mostest bestest something... repeat for the national flower (which is the rose... who knew!), national bird, national flag, national motto, etc.

Then he wanted to know what the first bird in the US was. I told him that no one knows because if people were alive when the first bird *pop* appeared, it was during prehistory when nothing was being recorded.

So he spent the next hour detailing how he was going to make a time machine (he just needs a watch, wires and a battery) to find out. Once he finds out, he'll come back and make a website so everyone on the internet will know what the first bird is. Google should really look in to hiring Xander full time.

Actually educating Xander while allowing him to be Xander is insanity inducing. I think I deserve a thank you note from all his prospective teachers for not sending him to school.

And I posted this whole bloggy post on a forum for parents with children with autism... and one of my good (and clearly genius) friends suggested doing the project on the tallest and biggest things in the US like mountains, buildings, etc. I stared at the screen with a dumbfounded look on my face and a big lightbulb with the word "duh" in it over my head.

Much of my success in homeschooling is due to people who are smarter than I am telling me what to do. I could turn this in to a serious blog post about how humans were designed to live in communities and lean on each other in the rearing of children... but the idea of a time machine made from a watch, some wires and a battery is really too funny to allow me to be serious.

I missed my kids

2008-07-05T00:48:00.000-07:00

This week I've been working at a fireworks tent --- it's the big fundraiser for the non profit I volunteer for. Since I can't give much more information than "that one goes boom" and "this one goes fizzle-fizzle," they stick me at the cash register.

Anyhoo, for 5 days this week, I worked between 6 and 14 hours per day. Most of the days were more babysitting the tent and ringing up some kid's $5 order of snaps. Those were the 6 hour days. Of course. The 14 hour day? On my feet nearly all day either bagging or working the register. Some box moving but since my joints are less-than-healthy, I try to avoid that. And I digress again...

Oh, and before I spend too much time getting to the point (for those impatient, just read the title), let me also mention that on Thursday I went out on a hot date after I got home from the fireworks tent so I didn't see the kids even longer on that day than usual...

And to the point -- I missed my kids. I felt like I missed so much all week. I didn't see their latest lego creations in phases 1, 2 and 3. I didn't read them their stories. I didn't watch them run in the sprinkler. We had 1/3 of the conversations we usually have.

I have always thought I wasn't really made to be a stay at home mom but I did it because I truly felt it was right for the family. But after five days of work, instead of dreading getting back to slinging peanut butter and jelly, I am looking forward to all the things I missed. That's when I realized I am meant to be a stay at home mom and this is where I belong. I still need to work to make sure "mooooom!" doesn't take over Charlene but I'm where I need to be. I'm where I want to be.

You know, I have a lifetime to be all sorts of things but only 16 more years of being "moooooom!!" And I want every minute of it.

Because my life is apparently too dull...

2008-06-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

Some friends and I are organizing an Earth Scouts troop.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not be me. As in be a person who can hear a good idea like, say, a free play preschool coop or Earth Scouts (just two examples pulled from thin air ::cough::) and say "that sounds really cool. If they had that in this area, I'd join." Instead, I'm the person who says "that sounds really cool. How's next Wednesday for our first organizational meeting?" What would it be like to be more go-with-the-flow?

For starters, I can guarantee I'd be much more rested. And probably wouldn't spend nearly as much money. I'd have more time at home so my house would be cleaner. And I'd most definitely be really, really, really... bored.

Love my husband

2008-06-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

I only got about 5 hours of sleep on Friday night and I was tired on Saturday. I had a mom's night in at a friend's house that night and I was so tired that I was considering not going. Plus I felt guilty about going out for fun twice in one week by myself.

Instead of saying "yeah, you should stay home" my husband said "yeah, you should take a nap this afternoon before you go out."

It is easy to see why I love him. Now, to figure out why he loves me is the next step...

Love this!

2008-06-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

I even got it as a t shirt at Great Homeschool Tshirts. I highly recommend buying it!

Talk me out of it

2008-06-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

I have spent so much money on homeschooling. Now, you don't have to spend any more than it cost for pen, paper and a library card if you don't want to. But you can spend thousands on the perfect curriculum. I've fallen some where in the middle. Well, closer to the pen, paper and library card bit.

We have a ton of books, games and kits. And now I want to buy some more. The problem is that some of it just sits there. Sure we might use it one day but I really need to just buy as I know we're going to use it. So my new plan is to wait 2 weeks after deciding to buy something before I buy it. That will give me time to really ask myself "will I use this in the near future?" and "will I really use this... ever?"

Here are my 3 latest purchase ideas

Handwriting Without Tears (plus the teacher guides and maybe the kindergarten book... and maybe the cursive book...

Masterpiece of the Month (I have seen this one in person and REALLY liked it.

Phonics Through Poetry (I took this out of the library to work on Xander and Eli's speech and, again, I really liked it)

So... waiting 2 weeks... waiting...

What is normal?

2008-06-04T17:37:00.001-07:00

I thought the dreaded day had come. I thought my beautiful, creative and unique son finally realized, after nearly 7 years on this earth, that he isn't like the average kid his age. The conversation went like this:

Xander: Mom, I want to be normal.
Me: Uh, um, what?
X: I have too much dumb. I want to be normal.
Me: Xander, you aren't dumb and I like you the way you are.
X: But I want to be normal.
Me: You're just fine the way you are. (add in some rambling and repeating of similar sentiments that were likely just a projection of my own insecurities... not my finest moment)
X: Are puzzles normal?
Me: ...
X: Yeah, I need a puzzle to make me normal. Can you get me a puzzle?

So I got him the puzzle so he could become "normal." I relayed this entire conversation to my husband thinking he'd share the pit-in-the-stomach-feeling. He said, "hmmm... we watched Spongebob yesterday where Spongebob tried to become normal so he started working in a cubicle and had to print the crabby patties on paper instead of making them..." (he proceeded to tell me the content of the entire episode but I will spare you the details).

Both of us sat down with Xander and asked him more about his quest to be normal.

Me: Xander, did Spongebob give you the idea to try to become normal?
X: Yes! He got an office and a computer and a printer and...
Me: ...
My husband: You want to be normal so you can get a computer?
X: Yes!

...

Leave it to Xander to realize that being normal is something he wants but only for the perks.

T-Minus 1 week till liftoff

2008-05-07T15:19:00.000-07:00

Me+myhusband+4kids+flightacrossAtlantic = insanity

The end of autism awareness month

2008-04-27T21:37:00.001-07:00

As Autism Awareness month ends, I want to post one more Xander story.

In this blog post, I mentioned the social stories I wrote for Xander. They were clearly written, simply illustrated and really seemed to help Xander learn to navigate through different situations. Almost immediately we saw him start to touch people on the arm to get their attention. And when he didn't, we'd just say "touch the arm" and he'd correct himself. Smooth sailing.

It took a few months. Oh, yes, it did. We were moving along well and almost getting to where we could teach him not to tap quite so many times when wanting to get someone's attention. But we were too slow. He altered the lesson. He now sees no need to even touch the arm anymore. All he says is "touch-touch-touch!" when he wants to get my attention. So far he only uses it with me but I must act quickly to guide his behavior before he starts saying "touch-touch-touch!" to others. Because the random strangers he approaches on a regular basis are not going to have ANY idea what he's talking about when he says "touch-touch-touch!"

Now, I have to write a social story that includes teaches him to replace the touch-touch-touch with "excuse me, my dearest mother whom God has blessed me with, I wish to speak to you" or something to that effect. What could go wrong with that?

You're going to blog about this, aren't you?

2008-04-25T16:57:00.000-07:00

My husband is in the backyard setting up a tent with the help of two children with autism. When I laughed at him, he said, "you're going to blog about this, aren't you?"

Of course I am, honey. I'm just glad you're finally reading my blog.

Thomas Jefferson Education

2008-04-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

This is my new interest. I even shelled out money for the book when I realized I was 13th in line at the library to get one of the only two copies. Very interesting and I have found a few people who are also interested in this less structured approach to a classical education.

While waiting for my book to come in the mail, I have tried to put a few principles into place as I understand them. I'm sure I'll get the book in, realize I botched the whole thing and have to find my groove again. But I think it is an educational philosophy that will fit well with our relaxed approach and give me the guidance and focus I need.

Two principles that I really like are "inspire, not require" and "structure time, not content." My goal is to keep the love of learning strong while still teaching good habits that will take them to higher levels.

Not on the Test

2008-04-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Not anti-public schooling... actually, far from it. He's calling for a reform in the public schooling to get away from the rote memorization for testing purposes. Not On The Test

My little Viking

2008-04-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

Xander went to my in laws' house from Monday until Friday of this week. He loved it. They loved it. We missed him.

The second he came home, the volume in the house rose 100x. I've been listening to him for the last 24 hours wondering how one little boy can make so much noise. He has very heavy footsteps so it's like an elephant running across the living room. He's constantly talking -- not conversation, of course. Just talking. Or he's making noises. Or he's banging a door. Or something.

In the day to day routines of life, I hadn't realized how loud he is compared to his siblings. It wasn't until he left and came back did I realize it. I'm glad I did because I'm sure it adds stress to the family dynamic that I have not been taking in to account.

Xander was running through the house saying "aaaaahhhhh!" and Lars told him that he sounded like a Viking which was to be expected since Vikings were his ancestors. Now Xander keeps telling me he wants to be a Viking like his "anasetters" and runs around yelling. Thanks, Lars!

The moral of the story: autism is noisy but Vikings are noisier.

Autism awareness month

2008-04-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

After a lesson on thunder and lightening, I asked Xander, "and what is the sound lightening makes?"

His answer? "BOOM!"

Yeah. That's my boy. He has a literal answer for every question. He also has a literal interpretation for idioms. Please, whatever you do, do not tell him "pinch me! I must be dreaming!" because, as Dennis can attest, Xander will pinch you. And then be completely blind sided by your unfavorable response.

Happy Autism Awareness Month!

two, four, six, NINE!

2008-03-30T23:08:00.001-07:00

My first baby was born on March 30, 1999. Happy Birthday, lille Dennis!

Survival!

2008-03-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

We went on a field trip with about 70 other people to a big cat sanctuary. None of my kids got enough sleep the night before. I didn't get enough sleep the night before. And I didn't feed any children to the tigers! Success!

On another note, Dennis has started a journal that he has asked me not to read. You know, had he not said that, I would have had no desire to read his journal. Now I believe it is my duty to snoop to find out what mean things he is writing about me!

I will not be a parent who snoops or invades the child's privacy unless I have reason to believe something dangerous is happening. And I don't. But I really want to read that journal. Really, really.

My new organizational tactic

2008-03-23T21:47:00.001-07:00

Dennis has a list for the week -- broken in to days and subjects -- to complete. It's all based on what he wants to learn and things coming up (like a field trip to the big cat sanctuary) and a lot of it is open ended. Like under reading is just his independent reading plus narrations (which he loves). He does journaling once a week and he picks the topic.

It is all in a folder nice and neat. We'll see how long that lasts.

I need to make one for Xander but he is much more unschooled than Dennis is. Two very different kids with different needs who are homeschooled different ways. So his folder will be more of a checklist of subjects/topics just so he can know what to expect for the day. He needs some structure but I think too much will cause him to shut down.

Wish me organizational luck!

He knows his mind and mine.

2008-03-22T15:27:00.001-07:00

I had a large container of rice out so I could cook some. I made the mistake of going to the bathroom.

I came out to the rice all over the floor and Eden and Eli rolling in it. Eli said, "we're swimming... and I am NOT cleaning this up!"

How in the world did he know I was going to tell him to clean it up? It isn't like he makes messes all the time or anything... yeah...

I fear I am growing predictable.

Home!

2008-03-18T00:03:00.001-07:00

Tired but trying to wind down. The trip was great but due to the family friendly nature of this blog, I can't tell too many tales. ;)

Things I have learned:

1. taking a red headed toddler to the French Quarter on St Patrick's Day weekend lands you with 20 lbs of beads and a toddler who thinks life is a parade and she is the main attraction.

2. driving through Mississippi with out of state tags after midnight is enough to get you pulled over. The reason the cop gave to pull me over was that I braked as I approached a vehicle moving slowly in front of me. Apparently, in Mississippi, they prefer that you ram the other vehicle rather than brake. I told the officer very nicely that I braked so that I would slow down. He then gave me my license back, told me to drive carefully and walked away.

3. It is important to take the time to reconnect with girlfriends who you can laugh with, tease and trust.

4. My depression is definitely situational rather than chemical and I need to take that knowledge on the path to healing.

5. I love my family and, for the first time ever, felt a longing to move to New Orleans to be with them. I've always wished we lived close together but not that I would move down there. But this time I wished it if just for a little while. I love Missouri and just need to refind my bearings here.

6. Next year I am going to be 30 and one of my favorite people in the world wants to throw my party. I was so touched.

Adios y'all!

2008-03-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Or is it ya'll? Whatever. This Yankee is heading to NOLA for a fun weekend. I leave in about 6 hours (might want to get some sleep) and drive to Memphis, spend the night with a hot little number (love you, Sus) and then drive to NOLA on Friday.

I'll be home Monday night... very sleepy but hopefully refreshed.

My dilemma for tomorrow

2008-03-10T21:03:00.001-07:00

How exactly do I count a party at Chuck E Cheese as homeschooling?

Lyrics to the rescue

2008-03-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

Listening to the radio, I heard "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. These lines explain exactly how I've been feeling that I tried to express in my last post. Exactly.

So where is the passion when you need it the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Too bad Daniel Powter simply validates my feelings rather than telling me how to fix this.

Trying to get back

2008-03-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get back to life with my uncle gone. While I can do the day to day stuff, I just don't feel much about it. Those who know me know that I am talkative and energetic (not for housework of course). I just don't feel that right now and I'm trying to get it back.

How odd is it that I am mourning my uncle so deeply when, if he were here, he'd tell me life was too short and move on with things. I'd love for him to tell me that because it would mean he was here.

Wow. Now that I've cheered you all up, here is our homeschooling excitement -- we're becoming what my friend calls "Road Scholars." We're taking this show on the road as much as possible. We'll be homeschooling in Tulsa for a few weeks coming up. Topics will be Will Rogers, wild west, Native Americans, "sooners" and land rushes, etc, etc.

The end of May is our BIG trip to Denmark. Hamlet, Hans Christen Anderson, European geography, currency are the topics. We'll be there 14 days. Five days will be at a summer cottage that houses 35 people and has an indoor swimming pool. My husband's mother is from Denmark and the only one in the US so it is a family reunion for all of her family. We're very excited. A trip to legoland is on the agenda as well.

We're hoping for a week long camping trip at some point in the summer. It won't be a fancy deal because we are saving up for 3-4 weeks in New Orleans. My friend has a basement apartment she will rent to us cheaply. War of 1812, slavery, Catholicism, swamp habitats, hurricanes... those are the topics there.

Except for weekend trips, that's all the plans for the year. I'm turning my children in to transients.

My DVR and AI

2008-02-21T18:14:00.000-08:00

They're pimping Season 7 of American Idol as the best talent so far. I'm watching this week's episodes on DVR and, well, I don't think those people are watching the same performances as I am.

Life goes on and so must we

2008-02-15T21:50:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, the non profit I work for has a 5 year anniversary open house. Because of my position in the organization, I have to be there. I haven't caught my breath from my trip to New Orleans for the funeral but I did catch the cold my cousins had.

So tomorrow I get to dress up, plaster a smile on my face and act like all is right in the world just days after my world came to a full stop.

One foot in front of the other and the promise that it will get easier. What else am I supposed to do?

That's that

2008-02-14T12:08:00.000-08:00

I'm home from New Orleans. The service was beautiful. The wake was hard. It took me an hour to walk in the room. The funeral home said we could bring in a photo collage if we wanted. Oh, they are rethinking that policy now. You know those large tri-fold science fair display boards? We had 2. We used lots of photos and a lot of his quirky sayings. The man never said you're welcome. He always said "don't thank me, thank the Good Lord I was here." So that's what we titled the collages. I can't believe I came up with it in my fog.

There were so many hard moments. After the casket closed and pall bearers were bringing it into the chapel, my cousin's 14 year old turned to me and said, "they are going to open it up again, right?" I told her, "no, baby, they aren't" and she just sobbed. I thought I would help my cousin by sticking with her 6 year old as much as I could. At one point, I was crying and he hugged me. Later, he brought me some tissues. So, so sweet.

Two of his sons-in-law spoke as did the principal of the school he worked at. How wonderful to hear how he touched the lives of other people.

All my life, my uncle would call me into a room and then ask me how far would I have gotten if he hadn't called me. So my most cherished thought was something my cousin's husband said. "I imagine Bernie got up to the pearly gates and God said, 'hey, Bernie, how far would you have gotten if I hadn't called you?'"

Rest in peace, Uncle Bernie

For my uncle

2008-02-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

My uncle and godfather had a massive heart attack this morning and is on life support. The doctor says he is brain dead, my aunt signed a DNR and they're saying goodbye before turning off the machines.

To the most aggravating man in the world, I will miss you. I will miss you calling me into a room just to ask me how far I would have gotten had you not called me. I will miss you saying "huh?" in that way only you (and Anna! good heavens, she is her pawpaw's girl) say it. I will miss hearing Aunt Mary say, "Bernie! Stop it" when your teasing gets on her nerves. I'll miss you and my father sitting on the couch watching dubbed martial arts films with the only conversation being "do you know what's for dinner?" I'll miss seeing your latest wood creation and I'll miss hinting around that I want one. I'll miss telling you that I like your hat or flannel shirt only to have it given to me the next time I see you. I will miss my husband asking me why I still have that purple flannel in my closet after 15 years because now he will understand why I cannot part with it.

I'll miss you, Uncle Bernie.

I won't be there to say goodbye before you leave so I am saying goodbye now. I love you.

Love, your goddaughter

PS Please don't tease St. Peter much because I don't know how much of a sense of humor he has.

Have I explained Ha here?

2008-02-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

Ha is the name my son, Eli, prefers to go by. He insists on it so strongly that his friends, siblings and even his speech therapist call him Ha. Ha. That's not even a name. It's like half of a laugh. We have no idea where he came up with it but it has withstood the test of time. If you ask Eden, "is your brother Eli?" she'll say, "no. Ha."

I catch myself typing Ha and then erasing it and changing it to Eli. I probably do it for the same reason I call him Eli in crowded shopping centers... I don't want people to think I named my child Ha.

Clipart rocks

2008-02-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the free clipart I found by random googling, we now have 4 social stories, 3 charts and one consequence flow chart.

The social stories are about what needs to be completed in the bathroom (including hand washing), how to appropriately get someone's attention (as in tapping them on the arm and not any other place on their body), what to do when he gets angry and what to do when his friends don't want to play what he wants to play. And after today's trip to the grocery store, there is one coming on what to do when you see something that is interesting -- as in tell mom and ask to go see it rather than wandering off.

The 3 charts are morning routine, school schedule (a checklist of subjects that he has to complete by the end of the day) and a bedtime schedule with things like brushing teeth, using the potty, having a small snack, etc.

The flow chart is what to do when he fights with his brothers. I think my 8 year old could use it as well! It starts with a picture of two angry kids. If he chooses to hit, it leads to a sad face and then a picture of two people walking away from each other. If he chooses to come talk to mom, it leads to a happy face which leads to the kids all playing together.

So, that's what I stayed up until midnight doing last night. Exciting life I lead.

Still processing

2008-02-01T10:14:00.000-08:00

Not much in a bloggy mood since I'm still processing the whole deal. Last night I completed the parent evaluation paperwork and turned it in to the doctor this morning. Now I wait for the phone call.

In the meantime, we've been discussing adjustments in our house. #1 is a picture chart of routines. Xander can easily follow a routine but can't remember all the steps of, say, bedtime since we don't do them in the same order every night. That will hopefully give him some independence and us a break from having to walk him through everything. The second thing is using social stories to work on some of his social issues. If he won't grow out of these things on his own, we need to help him with that.

Information on social stories:

Social Stories

Denial denied

2008-01-28T17:52:00.000-08:00

So by this evening, I had myself pretty convinced that there is a good 50/50 chance that the doctor is wrong about Xander. Then the following conversation happened:

Dennis: Xander, did a new movie come in the mail?
Xander: no
Dennis: oh, man. We didn't get a movie?!
Xander: yeah, we did.
Dennis: Wait, you just told me we didn't get a new movie.
Xander: We didn't get a new movie.
Dennis (getting annoyed): But you just said we did! Did we get a movie in the mail?
Xander: Yes
Dennis (fully annoyed): then why did you say we didn't get a new movie?!?!
Xander: because I've already seen that movie.

I guess I check the box that asks about issues between literal and figurative speech, huh?

He wasn't supposed to say that

2008-01-28T12:40:00.001-08:00

The doctor used the autism word, specifically asperger's syndrome. That's not what he was supposed to say. We have more evals and more appointments but that's the path we're going down. Well, the doctor is going down it and I am agreeing by virtue of not knowing what else in the world I should be doing.

He took ADHD off the table. He said it doesn't take on enough of the issues to be the driving force behind all of this. He also said sensory integration disorder in isolation cannot cause all of the issues.

So. Still processing.

8 hours

2008-01-27T22:20:00.000-08:00

Xander's appointment is in 8 hours. I'm not ready. I made my list of concerns that I want to discuss and make sure get brought up. Too personal to post here but it helped me organize my concerns into topics like "sensory" and "speech and language" and "social." I'm still not ready.

I should be asleep. Scratch that. I should be up wondering and second guessing myself. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Is the doctor going to just slap a label on him and that's the end of that? Am I even going to be at all confident in the results of the evaluations? See, that's what moms do. Sleep is for the sane and rational.

After the appointment, I zoom him and his siblings over to a friend's house while I go to a meeting for the non profit I work for. Yes, immediately after having my son evaluated for life long learning/behavioral/developmental disabilities, I scheduled a meeting. See, my brain didn't realize that Monday and Monday were the same day. Who knew? Good thing my husband got me that fancy Treo phone... you know, the one with the calendar function... so things like this wouldn't happen...

I bet sane and rational people use calendars.

Homeschooling schedule

2008-01-27T10:44:00.000-08:00

After talking to some friends, I heard about two ways to schedule our homeschooling. One mom with older kids, gives the older ones a packet on Monday and it needs to be completed by Friday. Another mom writes a checklist and her kids do it in the order they want. I offered both of these to Dennis.

He said, "I like that idea. Then I can do everything for the week on Monday and you'll have to give me new stuff to do on Tuesday."

He could graduate high school by the age of 12 at that rate!

Oh, baby

2008-01-26T19:55:00.001-08:00

We have two leopard geckos. They're now old enough to sex. By "sex," I mean discover gender. I'm not an expert and they're still on the young side but it appears that we have one of each. Sora is a male and Lizzy (short for her full name, Lizard Lizard Lizard) is a female.

Fortunately, they'll only breed under the right conditions and the eggs will only survive under the right conditions. We do not plan on helping that process along but did you know that one successful mating can produce fertilized eggs for 15 months? The female stores the sperm. Consider yourself just a little bit smarter for having read my blog today.

I'm going to check them again in a month and their genders should be more obvious. As long as they aren't 2 males, they can stay in the tank together. I would really hate to separate them. Even though they have two hiding places in the tank, they often cuddle in the same spot. The only time either of them go in the second spot is when they are shedding (it is a humidity spot).

Look at me. Babbling over my reptiles. Amphibians are next -- we're going to have frogs in the spring if our tadpole habitat works out.

Most unique

2008-01-26T11:47:00.000-08:00

Dennis won an award at the pinewood derby. It was "most unique design." It really should have been called "only car made by the child and not the dad." heh.

Ahead and behind

2008-01-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

Dennis is doing a project on the desert habitat for a science fair our homeschool group is doing. It's more of a presentation day than a fair really. He's focusing on the leopard gecko (of which we own 2) and its rocky desert habitat and the adaptations it makes to live in that climate. Today, he planned his diorama and, with help, did an internet search on wild leopard geckos, took notes and then organized the information into groups for the poster he is going to make to go along with the diorama.

When is this presentation day? April 18th. That's right. Nearly 3 months away.

In other news, Dennis is also entering a car in the pinewood derby. He cut it out today (with help) and will paint it tomorrow. When is the pinewood derby? Friday. Two days away.

So, for those following at home: projects that involve mom's help get done 3 months ahead of time and those that require dad's help get done at the very last minute. Hmmmm...

Ok, to be fair, projects that require mom's help get started 3 months ahead of time, fizzle out and get thrown together at the last minute. Dad may do it at the last minute but he is consistently focused for that entire minute.